Things Animals Say

Today, I was sorting out my photographs and I filled a folder with pictures of my pets. Some of the photos just yelled out for a caption so I’ll give it a go. I’m numbering them so if anyone can think of a better caption for any of them, please feel free to post in the comments to give us all a laugh.

1 What? Surely you weren’t intending to give Santa untasted cookies and milk

 

2. They’ll never find me now

 

3. You’ve got to sleep sometimes. If it wasn’t for the ready supply of food and cardboard boxes you’d have been toast by now.

 

4. Note to Self. The Kangaroo was lying.

 

5  When I snap your fingers you will awaken. You will remember nothing but walks. No wait – nothing but bones and walks. Wait – nothing but food, bones and walks. There are no baths. The bath is a lie.

 

6. My ancestors were wolves. I am so ashamed

 

7 The voices are telling me to eat your soul…but a nice bone would do. Maybe some treats? A walk would be nice.

 

8. You know showing me videos of walks isn’t going to get you out of actually taking me, right?

 

9. Dog: Please don’t leave me alone with her. Cat: (trying to look innocent) Keep your mouth shut and I might let you keep one eye.

 

10 This is an intervention. We, the animals feel your addiction to the shiny thing is taking over your life. You should walk away and concentrate on healthier pursuits…like treats and walks and brushes and stroking, lots of stroking.

 

 

 

 

11 What do you mean I’m not a parrot?

 

12 You’re my liddle buddy and I loves ya

 

13 I hear you. I’m listening. Feel free to tell me all your troubles – but don’t you find it easier to talk and walk? Or maybe talk and eat?

 

14 Don’t laugh. It’s taken me half an hour to get up here, let me rest.

 

15 I’m…starving. Wasting away. Feed me. For the love of God, feed me.

 

I am obliged to note that we actually have three cats, but Charley is far too serious to get caught looking anything but suave